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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034208">when i go, don’t cry for me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows'>ohallows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Catharsis, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Time Travel, butchering of pathfinder spells</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:54:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They save the world. <br/>It’s not as simple as that, of course; things rarely are. But this time, they win. Cel’s able to reverse-engineer the infection, able to figure it out, and they’re able to bring nearly everyone back thanks to the notes they found in Shoin’s lab.<br/>And after, they’re able to finally rest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azu &amp; Sasha Racket, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan &amp; Sasha Racket, Sasha Racket &amp; Zolf Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>when i go, don’t cry for me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>notes: special thank u to proximally for letting me use their idea of hamid finding sasha in a book!! you can find their art here: https://proximally.tumblr.com/post/190315296198/and-then-after-some-diligent-research-they-bring</p><p>also i do not CARE how plane shift works i really don’t. in my canon it lets you both travel to a different dimension and a different time and i like really don’t give a shit abt any version of events which doesn’t let this happen</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They save the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not as simple as that, of course; things rarely are. But this time, they win. Cel’s able to reverse-engineer the infection, able to figure it out, and they’re able to bring nearly everyone back thanks to the notes they found in Shoin’s lab.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And after, they’re able to finally rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, as always, there are threads left unstrung. Endings left unfound. Mostly, they’re left there to sit, but sometimes… sometimes, they get a resolution. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, Hamid starts screaming his, Azu, and Cel’s names from another room. Zolf is up like a shot, Campbell book falling to the cushions as they all exchange looks of alarm. Azu reaches the door first and throws it open, running out into the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hamid?” she calls, panicked, and then Cel is out the door as Zolf brings up the rear, metal legs stomping against the floor. He follows Cel and then collides with their back, sending them stumbling forward a bit into Azu, who’s come to a complete stop. Cel peeks around her right shoulder and Zolf peeks around her left hip, spotting Hamid standing in front of her, breathing heavily and holding a book nearly the size of him. He’s stuttering, a bit, out of excitement, and Zolf steps around Azu, face twisting in concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hamid, what’s wrong?” he asks, and Hamid just shakes his head, still unable to speak. Instead, he kneels down on the floor and opens the book, pointing to a paragraph. Zolf squats next to him, not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>comfortable </span>
  </em>
  <span>position by any means, and Azu and Cel join him on the floor as they follow Hamid’s finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...</span>
  <em>
    <span>Little is truly known about her beyond that she was a Saxon woman named Saisa Whosakingus -“</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf freezes, staring at the name, and next to him, Azu gasps, pulling the book up off the floor and looking closely at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s - Hamid, are you -“ Azu starts, but Hamid cuts her off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s her,” Hamid says, determined, making eye contact first with Azu, then Zolf. “I know it is, and it even gives a date.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is -“ Azu trails off, tilting her head as she stares at the date. “Wait, when was the Fall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About 20 years earlier,” Hamid says, and nods. “They - when we lost them, they must have been sent back to Ancient Rome, right around the time of the Fall, and it’s - gosh, they might have even </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, can you -“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hamid.” Zolf cuts him off as he starts to babble, and Hamid shuts his mouth, looking apologetic. “How’d you find this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid tilts the book in Azu’s hand so that Zolf can see the title - </span>
  <em>
    <span>The History of Magic in the Ancient World. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I was unpacking some of my old student books - I’m sure there’s someone out there who needs them more than me, but I was flipping through them just for fun, and I happened to catch the name out of the corner of my eye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hamid, this is - this is incredible,” Azu says, hand pressing gently against the page where Sasha’s name sits. “I - I can't believe you found her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid nods, and Zolf claps him on the shoulder. “This is really good, well done,” he says, a bit muted, but Hamid still beams at him, taking the book out of Azu’s hands and settling it on the ground again. He flips it forward a few pages, nose scrunching up as he reads. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” he says, pointing at a small passage. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s believed that this mystery woman spent her time on a small villa on the outskirts of the destruction of Rome, although not much is known about what happened there. This author believes that the construction of magical daggers was initially performed from here. Sadly, very few remnants from this time have been discovered, apart from a fire and adamantine dagger, both of which were believed to not have been invented until centuries later, in 990.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Azu glances at it as well, and rotates the book toward Zolf. “Here, there’s a map of where the ruins of the villa were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf inspects it closely, aiming for unaffected, but even he can’t hide the pangs shooting through his chest at the mention of Sasha. Sure, he’s already mourned her; all of them have, really, but seeing her name, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing </span>
  </em>
  <span>that she had an entire life after vanishing in Rome… it stirs those memories up again. He presses a shaking hand to the map, memorizing it, as the bare bones of an idea start forming in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was okay, in the end,” Hamid whispers, staring down at the page. Next to him, Azu nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I - I thought she had been lost forever,” Azu says, voice thick with tears, and Zolf swallows his own back as best he’s able. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Cel pipes up, clapping their hands together as the three of them turn to face them. “I’m… not completely sure what’s going on, but you all seem to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>invested in this Sasha person? Which - wow, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>lucky for her, she’s got a lot of people who care about her - but I’m a little, hmm, confused? Who, er - who was she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid gives Cel a watery smile as they peek over his shoulder to look at the book. “She was one of the people we lost in Rome - we’ve talked about her and Grizzop before, I think? They, er - Sasha, Zolf, and I were the first members of our mercenary company. Grizzop joined later, after Zolf left. When we went to Rome to save people, her and Grizzop were lost. We - we thought they’d just died, but. Sasha’s name is in this book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh,” Cel says, eyes sparkling with interest. “Name in a book? What book? I wonder if I’ve read it - I’ve been around a while, read a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of books, you know.” They take the book out of Hamid’s grasp, who only gives a minor protest, and swan off to the couch, flipping excitedly through the pages. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf clears his throat, not sure if what he’s going to offer will even be welcome. “I can take us there,” he says, and Azu and Hamid both look at him, hope warring with distress in their eyes, and Zolf straightens up a bit, squaring his shoulders. “I - it’s not something I’ve cast before. But, well - we know when she is, we know where she is… we could go. If you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them respond for a moment as they exchange a look, and Zolf can feel his shoulders tense slightly as a wave of embarrassment rolls over him. “We - we don’t have to, not if we don’t want to. It - er, it was a stupid idea, anyway, yeah, we can just -“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zolf.” Hamid interrupts him this time, laying a warm hand on his arm and giving him an easy smile. “It’s a wonderful idea, I - I had so much I wanted to say, and this would give me a chance to. Azu?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Azu nods her agreement. “I would like to speak with her as well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, are you two ready? Don’t want to prepare, or anything? We don’t have to do it right now, you know,” Zolf cautions, but Hamid just wipes at the tears settling on his cheek and shake his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I - I would much rather go now, if you’re both alright with that?” Hamid says, glancing between the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should go,” Azu decides, nodding her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cel?” Zolf asks, glancing over at them. They’re flipping through the book, sitting in what has to be an uncomfortable position on the chair, but they shake their head at his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, trust me, you don’t want me to tag along, unless you all want to end up with vomit on your shoes. Planar travel and I don’t get along - although, did you know, there’s a way to create a potion that gives you nearly the same feelings? Just absolutely messes up your insides. Bit of a nasty one. Don’t, er - don’t try it. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>recommend it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Alright,” Zolf says, and Cel gives him a double thumbs up as the book falls onto their chest. “If Wilde asks, tell him we’re on holiday and he isn’t invited. Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid and Azu step forward to the center of the room, standing next to each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” Zolf says, and offers his hands to Azu and Hamid. “I’d say this wasn’t going to be pleasant, but the two of you should know that already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both wince at the reminder of interplanar travel, but neither of them balk. They reach back; Zolf holds tightly to Hamid and Azu, and they grab on to each other as well, both squeezing their eyes shut tightly as Zolf feels the power building in his sternum. He closes his own, waiting for it to reach the crescendo point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Step,” he says, and feels Azu and Hamid follow his lead, all moving in the same direction, and the room around them shifts and blurs as the world rolls under their feet. Cel vanishes in a moment as they move, and Zolf can see the world around them turn bright even with his eyes closed. His entire body feels… wrong, stretched between </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he sends a panicked prayer up to whoever might be listening - an old habit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Step,” he says again, this time through gritted teeth; the more he opens his jaw, the worse he feels, as though it’s unhinging like a snake. They all move together, again, and then he finally feels solid ground beneath him once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens one eye hesitantly and sees lush greenery around him; it… seems alright, so he opens the second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here,” he says, gruffly, and drops their hands. Hamid and Azu open their eyes as well; Hamid looks as though he’s on the verge of throwing up, and Zolf pats his back gently. Azu’s lips are pressed together in a thin line, and Hamid reaches out to squeeze her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m - I’m not sure where we should head next,” Hamid says, glancing around them. His mouth pulls down in a frown, and Zolf cranes his neck, trying to spot any sort of clue that they can use. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, over there,” Azu says, pointing through the trees at a small farmhouse standing tall. Zolf and Hamid exchange a look and then shrug. It’s the best option they’ve got, so Zolf gestures for Azu to lead the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stumbles through the forest, pushing branches out of the way and shuffling through the trees as they get closer to the house. It’s nice; they can hear kids laughing and screaming. Definitely too much to be one family. The house itself is proper sturdy and looks a lot older than twenty years old, but it’s still solid, standing on strong foundations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a number of fields of crops stretching out to the west, in colorful, organized lanes. A primitive irrigation system runs through the fields; Zolf almost wants to get a closer look at it. They don’t really have time, so instead they keep walking toward the house. They break through the trees eventually and find themselves around the back side. Zolf gestures for Hamid to go ahead as the three of them hesitate, and they all walk around the side. A few of the closest kids stop playing - or, training, more like - and stare, but most of them go back to it after a moment. He’d expected them to stare a bit more, especially at Azu considering the time, but they seem to write the three of them off and go back to whatever they’re doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they make it to the front of the house, they spot Sasha. She’s looking out an upstairs window over the fields, critically examining the few kids still in the yard who are laughing and doing dagger tricks. It’s all very Sasha, and Zolf feels like pieces of the puzzle are all slotting into place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hair, once as black as pitch, is streaked through with gray and shorn shorter than Zolf ever remembers it being. There’s a patch of white on the side that he doesn’t recall, but he knows from Hamid that they’d all been through a lot after he’d left. She’s got wrinkles around her eyes, laugh lines that Zolf would have never guessed would be there. Her leather jacket is nowhere to be found; instead, she’s got on an old brown jacket, looking well-worn and comfortable. Zolf’s pretty sure she’s got at least ten knives hidden somewhere in that thing too, even if it looks more unassuming. He goes to call out but his voice dies in his throat, and then Sasha looks down, spotting the three of them. Her face goes pale, shuffling through a multitude of complex emotions, and then she disappears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she knows we’re here,” Hamid says, expression a mix of hopeful and apprehensive as he turns toward the other two. Zolf gives him a reassuring nod and claps him on the shoulder. All three of them have their own guilt to work through when it comes to Sasha, but, </span>
  <em>
    <span>gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even just seeing her makes Zolf feel the guilt in his chest expand out, feeling like a physical thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of them hear her come out the front door; Zolf doesn’t jump when she appears behind them, but Hamid and Azu do, spinning around quickly. She’s already got a knife out, pointed at the three of them, and Zolf would put money on her having at least four more ready to be pulled out just as a precaution.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look old.” It’s the first thing Zolf says to her, and he wants to kick himself but he’s a bit preoccupied with how much Sasha looks like she’s staring at a ghost. The knife falters a millimetre, barely enough to notice, and then it’s back, as steady as if it had never moved at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this a trick?” she asks, voice carefully blank, and Azu’s the first one to speak, holding her hands up as though to show she’s unarmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it - it’s really us,” Azu says, and her voice cracks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha takes a step back, looking at the three of them, and then her eyes laser focus on Zolf. “Prove it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gave you my coat in Kew because it was too open for you, and I wanted you to feel safe with us,” Zolf says, raising an eyebrow. Sasha presses her lips together in a tight line, and the knife doesn’t fall as she turns it on Azu and Hamid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. You two?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid and Azu exchange a look, and Azu’s hands fall to her side. “When you almost died in Rome,” she starts, voice getting stronger as she goes. “I held onto you. You and Einstein, because you both were freezing out of your skin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha gives a short nod at that and then turns to Hamid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me my sister died,” Hamid says, and even now, with so much time gone, his voice breaks on the last word as he stares ahead, determined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha looks at the three of them again, and then the knife disappears, too fast for Zolf to track it, into the sleeves of her coat. “How - how did you find me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not exactly the tearful reunion they imagined, but then again, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sasha. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hamid steps forward at the question, and Zolf lingers behind, content enough for now just to see her alive and here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you believe me if I said in a book on daggers,” Hamid asks, and Sasha barks a short, surprised laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daggers? Me? I - gods, was it that Donnelly chap, I told him if he repeated any of it, I’d skin him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid shakes his head. “No, it - it was one of my old university textbooks. Gods, Sasha, I - I’m so </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see you again.” He steps forward and hesitates, half a beat, but at Sasha’s short nod wraps his arms around her waist. Her’s come up to wrap around him as well, and a soft smile pulls at her lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you too, Hamid,” Sasha says, eventually pulling away but leaving her hands on Hamid’s shoulders. “All of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Azu steps forward next. “I’m so sorry,” shesays, and the tears stream down her face as she stands there, arms hanging frozen at her sides. “I’m so happy you were okay, in the end.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to Grizzop?” Hamid asks, glancing around as though he’s hoping Grizzop will pop out from somewhere and startle them. “Is - did he make it back with you as well?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha’s face shutters at that, and Hamid takes an unconscious step back, hand covering his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did. It - we happened to show up right when Rome was starting to fall,” she explains. “The cult of Mars was… well, it’s a long story, but Grizzop, he… he protected me. Took a hit that should have been on me, and then…” she trails off, and it might have been years but there’s still flashes of pain in her eyes. Hamid leans forward and puts a soft hand on her arm, giving her a sympathetic look. Sasha takes a breath, steady and slow, and nods jerkily. “He went out fighting. Right to the end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid sniffles, and Azu reaches out and rests her hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. “He - he would have wanted that,” she says, carefully keeping her emotions under control, but Zolf can hear the cracks, and he’s sure Hamid and Sasha can too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Hamid says, and wipes at his eyes. “I - you were so alone, here, I’m - I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha shrugs, but the film over her eyes doesn’t leave until she blinks once, twice, as though she’s pushing the memories away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t that alone,” Sasha says, with the hint of a smile as she looks at them. “Grizzop was here for a bit, kept wanting to shoot people’s knees off, but then the fall happened… Cicero is still around, me and him escaped together. And then the kids started showing up, and, well. It turned into this. Made my own little mercenary company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf snorts. “Hopefully it does better than mine did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha shrugs. “Think we did some good, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all chat for a moment, sharing memories of Grizzop, sharing stories with Zolf, sharing stories with Azu… Sasha doesn’t invite them inside, but none of them are offended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, Hamid and Azu step away, leaving Sasha and Zolf standing there, leaning against the railing. They give them their own moment of stillness, and Zolf doesn’t know how to thank them for it. Hamid, at least, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>how much he needed this, maybe more than Zolf did himself, and Azu just needed a warm hand on her arm to lead her away for her to pick up on the situation. Zolf gives Hamid a weak smile as he heads off, and Hamid just inclines his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stand there, together. Neither of them speak for a moment. They don’t always need to, never have. It’s… nice, here. Zolf thinks he understands why she’s still here, even if wide open spaces never used to be her favorite place to be. It’s peaceful. Quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, it becomes clear much too soon that the air is thick with the words neither of them had been able to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For once, Sasha goes first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you decide to come back?” she asks. It’s not accusatory, not in the slightest, just a genuine curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a few things, really,” Zolf says, shrugging. “Spent some time with the Harlequins, learned a bit more about what my father did. Learned a bit more about their mission, and then the infection hit. Wilde reaches out to me, told him to shove off, as you do.” Sasha makes a considering noise, and Zolf sighs. “Then, he told me about Rome. About you and Hamid disappearing into it, not coming back out. Convinced me to, er, join the cause, as it were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Infection?” Sasha asks, quirking an eyebrow, and Zolf nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Simulacrum nonsense. Had ourselves a bit of a robot uprising, taking over people… figured it out eventually. Cel - you, er, don’t know them, but they’re dead useful, managed to create a cure, and then we got the dragons to do flyovers with it. Handled the entire situation like -“ Zolf snaps. “That.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha snorts. “Almost sorry I missed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf hesitates a moment. “I’m sorry you couldn’t have been there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha shrugs. “Can’t always control what happens, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lapse into silence again as Zolf leans forward on the railing, resting his chin on his hands. He’s got - got so much to say, and no idea where to begin. Sasha doesn’t say anything either, both of them just standing there, and he figures an apology is as good a place as any. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I left,” Zolf says, and the words burn in his throat. “Hamid told me, er - told me what happened. Kafka, and. The undead thing. All of it. And Barret, gods, I - I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha’s shaking her head before he even finishes. “S’not your fault. Wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf shakes his head. “I don’t - that’s arguably not the point, but. I’m still sorry. I didn’t - I know I’d have been useless, especially then, but… I am sorry I just left you to deal with that. Should’ve done… dunno. Something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha doesn’t say anything for a second, and then he hears her laugh a bit. “You know… it was nice being dead quick for a while there. And I got better. Got to meet a Meritocrat. That was nice.” She stretches her shoulders. “It’s just… one of those things, I suppose? Got dealt a bad hand, but it all worked out in the end. Feels like… gods, forever ago, now. And, well. I know what it’s like to need to get away. I’m not gonna blame you for needing space. Or leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should,” Zolf mutters, but Sasha just flicks him in the temple. “Ow!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I look older than you do now, means you have to listen to me,” Sasha says, smug as he’s ever seen her. Zolf realizes that they’re probably about the same age, now. At least numerically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just shakes his head, and Sasha joins him on the railing. She hops up, though, not showing off, and perched carefully on the edge as she leans against one of the pillars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing better now?” Sasha asks, and Zolf hesitates for a second. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah - er, yeah, I am,” he says, and he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud </span>
  </em>
  <span>of it, too, proud of the man he was able to become. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha nods, decisive. “Good. I always thought you took too much guilt on yourself, boss. Glad you’re happier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf looks back at where Hamid’s excitedly showing Azu the strange fruits on the trees, where Azu is lifting him up on her shoulders so that he can reach. Thinks about Cel, who’s probably passing the time waiting bothering Wilde, who always seems to allow their antics to go on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he says, with a small smile. “I really am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s - he wishes they could have known each other like this. When they both didn’t have chips the size of countries on their shoulders, steadily breaking under the pressure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you? Are you good? Here, I mean,” Zolf asks, and he thinks he already knows the answer. He and Sasha have always understood each other the best, more so than anyone else could, and he’s not surprised when Sasha nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I built this,” she says, with no missing pride in her voice. “Like, not just me, obviously, but… I think people are… happy here? I hope so. I just wanted to give the kids someplace to grow up. Someplace they didn’t have to be scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf watches the kids run across the yard, laughing and shouting. “Didn’t think you liked kids all that much,” he teases, and Sasha shrugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re okay, when they’re old enough to hold a knife. I make Cicero deal with ‘em before that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf would put money on the fact that Sasha definitely gives them knives a bit too early, but he’s sure it’s fine. Probably. He’ll just assume it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thinkin’ of calling the kids the Harlequins,” Sasha mumbles, giving Zolf a heavy side eye and a wink. “Be funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf laughs out loud at that one, loud enough to draw the attention of some of the closest kids, who give him strange looks. They almost seem suspicious, but at a nod from Sasha they’re off again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know -“ he says, idea forming in the back of his mind as he stares off at the kids. “You should.” He twists the Harlequin ring off of his finger and places it in the center of his palm. The spade glints in the sunlight, a bright ruby red. “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha takes a step back as he offers it to her. “Wait, that’s - that’s your brother's ring, yeah? I - Zolf, I can't take that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. It’s mine,” Zolf says, showing her the identical ring on his other hand. “Got one while I was working with them, and… well. Don’t need two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha’s still hesitant as Zolf holds it out to her. “You sure? Dropping a ring all the way back here in the past? Could change some things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well. What’re a few time paradoxes gonna do? The entire thing gives me a headache, so,” Zolf says, tossing the ring to her. Sasha catches it, just as dexterous as she’s always been. “And I want you to have it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha inspects the ring in the sunlight, holding it up and squinting at the gemstone. Zolf sighs, good-naturedly. “You’re not allowed to pawn it, you know,” he says, shaking his head fondly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d never,” Sasha says, but Zolf’d knows that glint in her eyes anywhere. Still, Sasha slips the ring onto her ring finger and it magically resizes to fit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feryn would have liked you,” Zolf says, swallowing around the lump in his throat, and Sasha gives a surprised laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er - your brother, yeah?” she asks, and Zolf nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He… he was incredible. Kept me on a good path. He would have definitely pulled you into our family if he met you,” Zolf says. Thinking about Feryn doesn’t really hurt anymore, especially after he got to learn more about him with the Harlequins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha nudges him with her boot. “Well, glad you were there to do that, at least,” she says, and Zolf grins, looking out at the field. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them speak for a moment, but Zolf’s the first one to break the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasha, I - I’m not asking you to come back,” Zolf says. He might have thought about it, before they landed here, before they saw how Sasha’s shoulders weren’t tensed, before they saw the secret smile playing across her face as she watched kids stabbing at each other with blunted knives. “I know you won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha doesn’t say anything, leaning on the railing as she stares out at the yard. She doesn’t have to; that’s one of their </span>
  <em>
    <span>things. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even when they were fighting, even when Zolf was leaving, they’ve always understood each other the best out of everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might’ve, once,” she says, eventually, and Zolf glances at her out of the corner of his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not anymore?” he asks, and he knows the answer but there’s still a small bit of hope in his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not anymore,” she agrees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf lets out the breath he was holding. There’s - he expected it, is the thing, but he’s still sad about it. Still wishes it could be different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moping never did anyone any good, though, and he’s done his fair share in the past two years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna miss you,” Zolf says, lump in his throat just getting bigger, and Sasha laughs, quiet, low, and more free than he’s ever heard her. She doesn’t say anything for a minute, and then she turns around and leans against the railing, crossing her arms as she gives him a genuine smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never really had people miss me before,” she says, and once upon a time there would have been a sense of wonder there. “It’s - good to know I had that, in the end, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Zolf says, and if the tears are already making their way down his face then it’s no one’s  business but his and Sasha’s. “Yeah, you - all of us do. Wilde, too, even if he’d never admit it. Sure Carter and Barnes would agree.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha nods, and turns to her, and she’s crying too, eyes damp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you too, boss,” she says, and Zolf can’t help the choked laugh he gives as he shakes his head, fond. “Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes a step forward and hesitates, but Zolf pulls her in the rest of the way, wrapping his arms as tight as he dares around her waist as her arms settle on his back. They just… stand there, for a moment, Zolf pressing everything he isn’t able to verbalize into the hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never really did get a proper one of these, eh?” Zolf says, and Sasha laughs, squeezing him tighter. It doesn’t last long; Sasha backs up first, and Zolf lets her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he says, and Sasha gives him a nod in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two, boss,” Sasha says, side of her mouth quirking up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf steps away from the railing and looks over to where Hamid and Azu are standing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two ready?” Zolf calls, cupping his hands around his mouth. Azu and Hamid look back at the two of them, and then come over. “Er, we should. Maybe not cast this right in the middle of everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Good idea,” Hamid says, and they all shuffle off of the porch and out around the back of the house with Sasha in tow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stand there awkwardly for a moment, no one wanting to be the first to bring up that their time together is drawing to a close. Azu’s the first to speak up, stepping closer to Sasha. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I could see you again,” Azu says, resting one hand on Sasha’s shoulder. There’s a wide smile on her face, even if her eyes are wet from tears. Sasha smiles up at her, and then pulls Azu into a hug, arms around her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too,” she says, voice muffled from where her head is pressed tightly to Azu’s shoulder. “Really, Azu.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you nothing but happiness, Sasha,” Azu says, and Sasha blushes a bit but pulls back, holding onto Azu’s hands as she squeezes them and nods before turning to Hamid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to say goodbye,” Hamid says, stubborn to the end, but Sasha just shakes her head. “I know - I know you won’t come back, but. It doesn’t feel fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha shrugs. “Nothing is, mate. But buck up, Hamid, it’s not all bad,” Sasha says, giving him half of an encouraging smile. “At least now you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid nods, but he doesn’t look happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish we’d been able to save you,” Hamid says, sniffling. “I - you deserved to be there with us, Sasha. You and Grizzop. We - we saved the world, we wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, er - I wish you had, too,” Sasha says. “I’m okay, though, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m - I’m sorry,” Hamid says, wiping at his eyes. “I didn’t - I wanted -“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S’alright, Hamid,” Sasha says, almost uncharacteristically soft. She hugs him first, this time; Hamid’s still shaking as he wraps his arms around her, but it starts to subside as they stand there together. Sasha whispers something to him and Zolf can see Hamid nod, but can’t make out what she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hamid steps back eventually, and then it’s just Zolf and Sasha. Zolf nods, and Sasha nods back. They’ve already had their goodbyes. Zolf takes a step back and Hamid and Azu join him, automatically grabbing his hands and then each other’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Sasha,” Zolf says, and he takes this last second to memorize what she looks like when she isn’t constantly having to watch over her shoulder. She - she really did it, in the end. Finally got away from Barret, got someplace he’d never be able to touch her, and she built </span>
  <em>
    <span>all this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, built what she’d always wanted, and she looks so happy, here. Well - not… </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy, </span>
  </em>
  <span>maybe, but… content. Comfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gods, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so proud </span>
  </em>
  <span>of her. He hopes she knows that; he thinks she does, if the small smile on her face and little nod is any indication. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf closes his eyes and squeezes Hamid and Azu’s hands tightly, and then the world falls away from under them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Colors pop behind Zolf’s eyelids, and he swears that he feels a slight breeze against his face as they travel through time and space. He doesn’t let go of Hamid and Azu’s hands for a second, and he thinks they’re both standing closer together on this trip back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They land back in the study, and it doesn’t even take a second before they all fall to their knees, spent. Zolf rolls over on his back, first, and stares up at the ceiling. It’s not long before Cel’s face pops into his field of vision, looking concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zolf? Er - are you all okay? You’ve only been gone for, oh, thirty seconds by my count, which </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t seem long enough to blast to the past and have some meaningful and emotional conversations with someone you lost. But, hey, maybe you guys don’t need to have long conversations with people? Maybe it’s like a little nod, you know, and -“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cel,” Zolf says, cutting them off as he lays an arm over his eyes. “It went fine. We’re alright. Just. Not that easy to say goodbye to someone, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He peeks out from under his arm to see Cel tap the side of their nose twice. “Got it, got it, don’t let me ruin it for you. Anyone want some tea? Cookies, maybe? I mean, I’m not going to cook them, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>won’t want to see what I come up with, but it’s your choice, I suppose!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re fine, Cel, thank you,” Azu says, getting up off the floor and smiling at them. There are still tear tracks on her face, but she seems… lighter, almost. As though a weight’s been lifted. Hamid’s the same, and Zolf wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he was as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Azu says sincerely, turning to look at Zolf. “I had… made my peace with never seeing either of them again. Thank you for giving us the chance.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf nods, a bit worn out still, but does get up, and then extends a hand down to Hamid, who takes it gratefully as he lets Zolf pull him up. He’s still crying as well, and dabs at the wetness under his eyes. “Yes,” he agrees, and pulls Zolf into a hug. “Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf’s arms awkwardly come up around him as he returns the hug, resting lightly on Hamid’s back, and in no time Azu is wrapping her own arms around the two of them as well, crouching so that her head rests on top of Zolf’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Group hug!” he hears Cel cheer, and then they barrel into the three of them and they all go down, laughing. Zolf ends up half sprawled across Azu, Hamid tucked under his arm as Cel starts apologizing above them. Eventually, they all untangle, and Zolf looks around at his friends, a soft, warm fondness spreading in his chest even as he maintains the same gruff look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not the same, no. But… it’s still good. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i spent most of this crying about sasha and zolf so. yeah. i just love them a lot. i also REALLY struggled to end it. </p><p>i hav complicated feelings abt half of this tbh</p></blockquote></div></div>
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